HopelessD

slapinjesus @ 2006-12-04T15:06:00

2006-12-04T19:06:16Z

new lj iamderekjames

slapinjesus @ 2006-11-30T11:57:00

2006-11-30T15:57:42Z

dear journal,

the bathrrom door closed.standing there infront of the body mirror that caught my attention.i sat there for 15 minutes.looking at whom i am.what i have became to be.theres a part of me that laughs at myself form the bakc of my mind.whom i was.change.change has seem to be taken a toll on the great derek james.knowing the things i do now what just be absurd and all around un heard of from me.in the past three years i have evolved into a stage of melancholy.noticing the small facts of things and ticks i have adapted to doing.my thought procees is the most aspect about the great derek james that has him in knots.ha.well i am done with all that.and to be blantly honest wiht myself.its pretty fucked up to see from the other side.which my girlfirend /bestfriend has been brutaly beatin with.agian i apologize.she i have bene slwoly seeing i am not myself.i know this.to stand back and see it all of it.as what i have merged into.i can only shake my head.i look miserable.i act it.i think it.and most of all i bring everyone in the path of it.especialy cyn.
tis funny to think on how it was before.shit.the world was mine at the finger tips.i had that shit in my grip.a clutch.and to honest i didnt give a shit.now its like the world has me by my balls.like being striped naked and given a new suit to wear.feels bettre to write this shit down.tell myself im a dummy.i am.have been for the past few years.dummy.life sucks.indeed.i just need to shut the fuck up and live it.im a fucking baby.like my brain was washed and put in the dryer to shrink.so i am goign to do what i should of done.i am goign to flip this dude in which i have sadly look at everymorning when i wake up.and bring back d james from the depths of my brain.when i find him and bring him back.he going to slap the bitch right out of me.hes there.only thing that tells me the right shit when i am thinking allthe wrong.tells me to get up in the morning and brush my fucking teeth.dummy.so i am goignt o change.fuck this hopeless crap.fuck all the bullshit created by hopelessness.so here it goes.fuck this i amoging to put a shirt one and put oil in my car.

peace

slapinjesus @ 2006-11-05T20:14:00

2006-11-06T00:14:00Z

dear journal,

its cold in my room,and i sit awkard.i hear music playing but it plays me no sound.the goosbumps i have recvied three minutes ago getb worse and make the hair stick up.hearts beating hard but my actions are but sloth.talking to myself as loud as i can within my head knowing the awers to my continuing repeating answers im askign myself but unwilling to accpet them.so my head rests in my parhed arm holding it ,i stare at the opnly thing athat appears infront of me.aportriat of you at your finest.telling you i love you.

darkeve
-d

slapinjesus @ 2006-10-24T13:16:00

2006-10-24T17:16:40Z

dear journal,

hi my name is derek james and girls are fuckign mena to me.

-d

slapinjesus @ 2006-09-21T21:53:00

2006-09-22T01:53:45Z

dear journal,

I am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholeI am a assholei better not screw this up

slapinjesus @ 2006-09-21T21:48:00

2006-09-22T01:49:49Z

its cold

2006-09-11T00:41:58Z

dear journal

its cold and i am shaken from the winds breeze and it leaves me with nothing but a warm breath.answer my cries with secrets from the trees.i am suroundedin silence and nothing has broken in for weeks.so leave me here cause its wear i belong.just dont take away the rain.

slapinjesus @ 2006-08-03T14:28:00

2006-08-03T18:36:07Z

Dear Journal,

During periods of my life i have seem to carry a shovel and dig holes to place this body ito them.only to get out and to do it agian three steps agian.pathedic.hurt.feeling of lost and a small misplacement in all.since i dug all the holes i could dig formy being i walk around aimlessly stumbling into them all.bluntly the end is close.a rush.a sad thouht of which only a hopefully sign of existance could possibly be shown.fuck.cursing.holding out my hand and closing my eyes in wishfull thinking that i wont stumble in the worst hole of them all.

-d

slapinjesus @ 2006-05-17T08:56:00

2006-05-17T12:56:41Z

neing told that some one is falling out of love with you ...theres no explaination for somthing like that youcould die that very second

slapinjesus @ 2006-05-17T07:19:00

2006-05-17T11:19:58Z

help me please before i loose it all please

i miss my girlfried

2006-04-09T14:01:22Z

Dear journal,

my intentions of defualting my mistakes have lurked on the tips of my fingers.creating a path of destruction,i bare to look.

-d

(not a poem not a lryic just straight out how i feel)

slapinjesus @ 2006-02-09T02:35:00

2006-02-09T08:04:14Z

Dear journal,

its 2 40 in te mourning and im tired.the damn music is playing and i like the silence at night.my ears ring.it comforting.i got up at least 5 times today.i could never sleep a full 6 hours.my fault,iguess i place my self in the situation.uncomfortable.depressing.i keep staring at the key thats on the side of my keyboard.i ponder and ponder.i walked to my mothers house today.5 miles.in converse.i wore a scarf.i like scarfs,its long but i dont complain..i tend to like it.my minds in complete purgorty from were its suposed to be.on 13 diffrent tracks.like winding up a hand full of toy cars and watching them zip around and every direction.its rather warm in the room.its nice.knowing my bed awaits me i sit here in diisgust.its dirty.repeaditly steped on an sheetless.my current situation.i am finding my self more obessive complusive at night.i am surrounded by un cleansily habbits.controlable.eh.my eye is swollen.christ sakes.Knowing that ihave to get i and i must take into consiteration that i need to sleep now.i simply do not want to.i simply dont care.work drains me.it pays off.i recieved a vist today by cynthia.shes many reason of my existence still.i am appreciative.very.the week will become better now.i sit and stare at the computerscreen in a blank state hoping to come back to reality.my key board is lopsided.agravation.i would love to delmolish the plastic demon.im hungrey.it 302.i rather not.but must.sleep.hopefully find what i am always looking for in my slumber dreams.her.

-d

straight up

2005-12-14T15:26:34Z

Dear journal,

I liek what i do on a daily bases.and some can not comprehened thatis my life and i enjoy fucking doing it everyday.if you dont like it well thats to fucking bad.so yeah i like seeing my girlfriend everyday and going to band when i dont get to see my gf.tahts me and suck a fat one.the ened

derek

slapinjesus @ 2005-12-08T23:45:00

2005-12-09T04:45:14Z

dear journal

tommrow morning i will awake new.i will die tonight.for that my eyes will open.time has come.goodnight.

-derek

dear santa

2005-12-07T14:32:15Z

Dear Santa...

Dear Santa,

This year I've been busy!

In January I ruled Asscrackistan as a kind and benevolent dictator (700 points). In May I signed my organ donor card (28 points). Last Thursday I pulled over and changed demolitionluver's flat tire (15 points). Last Tuesday I saved a busload of nuns in Angola (326 points). In November I helped sore_arms hide a body (-173 points).

Overall, I've been nice (896 points). For Christmas I deserve a red Radio-Flyer wagon!

Sincerely,
slapinjesus

slapinjesus @ 2005-11-29T23:07:00

2005-11-30T04:11:08Z

dear journal,

i finally gain all hope back for myself .amazing.and everythign things has been more than amazing.
whne it ends klflkjdfa;kjdflajdf;alkjf;df

writers block

2005-11-23T17:14:11Z

"Face" she Said

i dreamnt of she.only to be fool by the eye.
she dresses me in silver and gold
shes the creatator of man.
shes the life of the soul.
time by time this will break.and you will be
spilt on this vision of truth
oh the sheets.torn from my chest.i lie here naked.beauty at best
.Face she said.
ill create you in a fashion god will envy.your alive so
open your eyes

Leeches dont suck as much as you

can you breath me
with those lungs
can you speak
with that tounge
is this freedom or is this love
open wide swallow hole
like romeo (its morphin time!)
i tried so hard to shwo you love
i tried so ahrd to show you love from the inside
and i tried so hard i tried
like a desease youll burn inside
your a deases so contagious to me
so contangious to me
your like a desase
your aLL contagious to me

Theres a mormon in my closet,/b>

waiting is watching were time is lost and your back to were you begun
for an unknown answer spoken in syllabols clapped out in order
this is the future this is the way.
raped from my bones
im a siloette
were distruction is creation
this is the way its always been
all has been done and all has been said
goodnight goodbye godspeed

do it

2005-11-17T23:04:17Z

01: what is your first memory of me:
02: how long have we been friends:
03: tell about one memory we share together:
04: describe me in four adjectives:
05: if we could spend a day together what would we do:
06: name one thing you really don't like about me:
07: name one thing you really do like about me:
08: if you could give me a gift what would it be:
09: have we ever gotten in a fight & about what:
10: have we ever hugged:
11: have we ever danced with each other:
12: have you ever seen me cry:
13: have i ever offended you:
14: what is something embarrassing that i've done:
15: what do i usually look like when you see me:
16: what do i say all the time..whats my catch phrase:
17: do you think we will be friends in 5 years:
18: do you think i am bitchy:
19: has there been anything you wanted to tell me, but didn't:
20: what advice would you give me, in general:
21: are we close friends..if not why?:
22: suggest a band / cd for me to listen to:
23: is there a song that reminds you of me:

slapinjesus @ 2005-11-03T17:50:00

2005-11-03T22:51:01Z

4 months
with the most amazing girl
ever

HAHAHAHA <3

HAHAHA

slapinjesus @ 2005-10-12T12:34:00

2005-10-12T16:36:33Z

dear journal,

I submitted a tee shirt design called Face of hearts
to Threadless.com to be voted on and hopefully printed.

If I get enough high scores the shirt will be printed and
sold from the site and I will win some prizes. Take a look
at it and if you like it, sign up and give it a score.

URL: http://www.threadless.com/submission/56518/Face_of_hearts

so if you all could help me out i would give you all somthingin return

slapinjesus @ 2005-09-25T13:14:00

2005-09-25T17:52:37Z

Dear Journal,

I have been to busy to write in here.so most of my entrys have been lame shorts that really dont tell much.A lots has happened and theres too much i dont ned to type.For the much i do want to I will summerize up for it.Came Back from Cali.Fun not goign to say i ddint have fun and def changed me for the best.Me and Justin have seen prety much the world through all new eyes.Cali is like a dream were you wnat to be ...but just to expensive to keep dreaming.Andrea.Well lets just say my heart was about to jump out of my chest when i knocked on her door.She was more in shock then i was.well i only got to see her three tmimes the whole month i was there.eh i mean she wasnt the reason why i went there.but was def a plus.the things i could type you all wouldnt understand.Well me and justin ended up in santa barb...homeless.ha.Meet alot of amazing people there and i def dont regret going.Lets face it Rhodeisalnd sucks.and everyone knows it.theres nothing good here and the people sucks just as much.well we made it home and all.I had to take the bus back another four days ...eek.Came back to being homeless agian in rhodeisalnd..well yeah.ha.well everyone eneded hating me for leaving to go to cali and some said mean hatefull things towards me.not like i care personally but.it slowly seeps in you know.fuck them.started the band with eric tim justin and myself.started out so good.i left agian.went to illinios.eh didnt turn up the way i wanted to .well i mean what ever does.nothing.i never think it will but for some odd reason i give myself the lil hope i have left in my self.so i ended up staying there longer then i excpected.yet agian.not what i wanted but...its derek.and guiess what.ends up bad as always and yet agian i left on my own back to were i never wanted to be in the first place.rhodeisland sucks i know.but its home.not much i can do about it.i do miss it when i do my lil ghosting adventures.so came back and the band blew up.such good things came.And when i was not searching god was nice to me one time .and Miss Cin Jane was placed before my eyes.So guess coming back was good for me and was were i was supposed to be the whole time.Hung out With Miss Cin Jane for a while.Amazing how this girl is.Heraing such bad reviews of myself but yet for some odd reason she still hung out with me.And aftre the whole Illinios trip i was for certiny done with the female race .But She had an impact on me ,a hold in which i could...:smiles:.We started to hang alot.I eventually Asked miss cin jane to be mine.mmmm goodday .scared.afraid.excited.nervouse.and for once felt happy.Since then things have only semeeed to be improving with me.I mean not fast but slowly improving.feeling slowly alive.And in all shes like my best friend.i could go on but theres not enought bandwith on the internet to hold what i feel for that girl.so now i am here were i need to be,in a mood i dont mind being in.seeing things in wich i should have always seen then but just didnt open my eyes to.....well to the devil and you all...

mmmmmm

slapinjesus @ 2005-09-09T08:20:00

2005-09-09T12:19:46Z

dear journal,

its my birthday

slapinjesus @ 2005-08-26T11:26:00

2005-08-26T15:29:21Z

dear journal,

"hes nothing short of amazing."
that brought me the hope i have long lost.
-d

slapinjesus @ 2005-08-17T00:38:00

2005-08-17T04:41:26Z

dear journal

I appearently happen to be the biggest fuck up in life.i want to tell every one to stop being friends with me cuase its pointless to be in the first place ill just end up fucking that up too.so just delete me and shit.bye.

slapinjesus @ 2005-08-11T11:22:00

2005-08-11T15:23:37Z

king henry owns fuck you all